i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
