She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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