You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
