How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
