There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I would ride that face into the sunset
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
