and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
