I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
