How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
