i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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