You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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