so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
