i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
