I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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