Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
