somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
