My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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