she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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