She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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