Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
