Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
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