Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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