I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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