After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
