I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
