I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Say something about gay babies.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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