maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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