Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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