Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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