i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
