New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Operation Purity has been aborted
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
where are my pants?
in the oven.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
