I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
