so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
