He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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