I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
