There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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