I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
