I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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