i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
