so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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