It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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