Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
