I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
