Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
