I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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