My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
