all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
