You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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