She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
that is very illegal...i love you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
