Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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