is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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