she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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