I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
